I am often struck by how quickly life can change. Over the last ten years my life seems to have changed drastically on an almost yearly basis. Whether that be a change in career, relationship status, becoming a parent, losing loved ones…the list goes on. Some changes appear to happen without any control and input from yourself, they are ‘out of your hands’ life has jumped straight in and pulled the carpet out from underneath your feet and you are left lying on your back staring at the sky, wondering how you ended up here.
Other changes begin from inside, they often start with a little seed of an idea that seams to appear out of nowhere, that then germinates and takes root. It holds on tight and won’t let go, teasing your brain in quiet moments and nudging you towards what it wants. These are the changes that interest me. I look back on my life so far and can see a chain of events, each little choice I made linking to another. Each individual choice seemingly unimportant, led me to be where I am today.
To me it seems there is some sort of synchronicity at play, leading you down a particular path and ensuring that you end up where you were always meant to be. But if that is the case, what about the changes that we make for ourself, the ideas that pop into our head and make us change career, or move city or even country, decide we want a child when we have never had a maternal instinct before?
Is this us trying to forge our own way? Trying to create our own destiny? Or are we being nudged in that direction by some unknown force…God, angels, spirits, our higher consciousness?
I don’t have an answer, but it seems to be me that each time I have had negative experience in my life, such as burnout from work, my divorce or suffering from depression, it has been because instinctively I know I am not truly where I should be in my life, I am not being true to myself, I have made choices that ‘deep down’ I have known were not right for me. These situations seem to arise when I have made choices based on what I feel is ‘expected’ of me, or what I feel I ‘should’ do for other people; rather than what I know in my heart I ‘should’ be doing, but I take responsibility for this because I made the choice, I simply did not have enough confidence in myself at that time to make a different one. The times I am at my happiest are when I feel I am the authentic me, living my life in a way that is comfortable to me.
Now I am not saying that it is acceptable to absolve yourself of the impact of your behaviour on others, nor am I saying that you should act in a manner that is detrimental to others (or yourself for that matter).
What I am saying is maybe we should be making the choices in life that feel right for us. Maybe we should trust ourselves a little bit more. Maybe we shouldn’t be so afraid to do what makes us truly happy, take that leap, make that change (even if its small), live the life you want to live. Do something for yourself today, start a hobby, write a page of that novel you started last year and haven’t touched since because you were told by a friend it was a waste of time, research that journey you planned on taking ‘someday’, start selling those crafts you make on an online marketplace, dream of being an artist? take those night classes. Who knows where it will take you, because as they say ‘Mighty oaks from little acorns grow’